Chat sites may be a thing of the nineties, but a well crafted, personal message is timeless. The content of your first correspondence should be carefully chosen, containing an individual note so that you catch the eye of the person you wish to chat with. It's important to show that they are at the center of your attention.
Chat and Show You're interested
The best way to start an easy going chat on most sites is to ask questions relating to your matches interests listed on their profile. Try not to ask random questions – Stick to the topics they put on their profile. Read through their hobbies, wishes and principles, check their pictures and try to form a global impression of his or her personality.
For example if you see that they like a special activity ask for how long the person has been practicing it. Find the things you have in common and build your rapport from there. Keep the questions relevant, but generalized at first and then, if they reply to you, ask more detailed questions in the following mails.
Here are a few examples:
1. Personalize It
Reference something specific from their profile to show you’ve actually read it. This demonstrates genuine interest.
- Example: "Hi [Name], I saw you love hiking—what’s your favorite trail you’ve been on recently?"
- Example: "Hey [Name], your dog is adorable! What’s their name?"
2. Be Positive and Upbeat
Your tone matters. Keep it light, warm, and enthusiastic.
- Example: "Hi [Name], I couldn’t scroll past someone who also loves indie films! Any recent ones you’d recommend?"
- Example: "Hey [Name], I see we both love coffee. Shall we meet up and discuss which one of us is the bigger caffeine addict?"
3. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Encourage a response by asking something they can’t just answer with a “yes” or “no.”
- Example: "I noticed you love cooking—what’s your go-to recipe when you want to impress someone?"
- Example: "You mentioned traveling—what’s the most underrated place you’ve visited?"
4. Use Humor (If It Feels Right)
A playful or funny message can help break the ice, but keep it light and avoid sarcasm unless you know they’d appreciate it.
- Example: "So, are we swiping for love, or are you just here to debate whether pineapple belongs on pizza?"
- Example: "Hey [Name], I see we both love coffee. Shall we meet up and discuss which one of us is the bigger caffeine addict?"
5. Be Genuine
Sometimes a simple and sincere message works best.
- Example: "Hi [Name], I really enjoyed reading your profile, and I’d love to get to know you better. What’s something that always makes your day better?"
What to Avoid
To ensure your message stands out for the right reasons, avoid the following:
- Generic openers: Messages like “Hey” or “What’s up?” don’t stand out.
- Overly long messages: Keep it concise but meaningful.
- Copy-pasting: It’s obvious when a message isn’t tailored to someone specifically.
- Over-the-top compliments: Keep it respectful and not overly focused on looks.
By following these tips, you can craft a first message that captures attention and starts an engaging conversation. Good luck!
Make Yourself Interesting As Well
Being interested in other people makes you interesting! You could start your chat or message with a quote from the other person’s favorite movie. These messages are more likely to be answered than those which seem to be a template sent to all the profiles.
It's also important to give the person a first impression of who you are, so that he or she knows if your attentions are worth reciprocating. The vocabulary you use, the grammar you employ and the jokes you make are all subtle signals of your personality, bear that in mind. Try and share one thing about yourself in the chat. You can for example share what kind of activities you like, what music you are into or what kind of books you enjoy reading. But don’t reveal too much in your first message – Its a depressing reality, but many messages (especially if you are male!) go unanswered. Be patient, genuine and consistent and you will get results.
Chatting online is an art, as one must convey emotion and personality through black and white text. Please be under no misunderstandings, finding your own personal, communication style can take time! be patient with yourself and don't take rejection personally. Dating is a numbers game, and it takes a lot of "no's", to find that perfect someone who says "yes!"
Once your chat skills are honed to perfection and you get yourself a date, our other articles will help you navigate the troublesome waters of choosing a venue for your first date.
